I had earlier written about being ahead of the curve in lockdown preparations and understanding the situation, thanks to Sadhguru & Twitter (Read here). But it simply didn’t sink in that this would be so long a lockdown! I expected a month or max two of lockdown and then a slow return to normalcy with an economic downturn. But the situation has simply been extending, with no end in sight. Lockdown, then relaxation, spike in cases, more lockdown and repeat.

I have been home alone in Coimbatore and facing my fair share of challenges. Considering that others like me could be having a tougher time with being alone in the lockdown, I thought of penning a post on how I have been managing.

It’s been 3 and half months of lockdown and I have had a rollercoaster ride so far. Ongoing ups and downs but now I can see a rhythm to it. So hopefully when I feel down next, I will relax on myself and wait it out for the next up.

Ups and downs are normal and OK

I suspect these ups and downs are normal, but when more is happening outside, one doesn’t notice them so much. I remember Ramana once answering someones Q,

“My mind remains clear for two or three days and then turns dull for the next two or three days; and so it alternates. What is it due to?”

“It is quite natural. It is the play of purity (sattva), activity (rajas) and inertia (tamas) alternating. Do not regret the tamas, but when sattva comes into play, hold on to it and make the best of it.”

book

With the lockdown, and with being home alone – this process is a lot more palpable.

As it happens , all my friends and family of my age are a lot more busier than me. Too much to juggle for them – kids, work, house, social circle… A lot of them are facing a hard time with work or with simply being in the same space with family for too long.

I, on the other hand, am the rarer person who is home alone. Solo. And I have deliberately kept my life relaxed and empty (comparatively). I have ensure time to chit chat, play zoom games and check up on older relatives and keep up with the news.

I have pondered on my being home alone in these times.

There have been challenges

it’s a little too alone:

my communication requirements are pretty low. But this lockdown has made, even me, need some social contact.

serendipitous interactions:

I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed my totally random interactions with local folk like rickshaw drivers, fruit vendors, watchmen and so on. With the lockdown all of this totally zeroed out.

ALL the housework!:

I was already struggling with cooking my two meals in the day. I would eat out at least 5-6 times a week. Now this stopped. So the entire cooking task fell on me PLUS all the other housework. 😑 This was so nuts (I am thrilled that I managed in some reasonably decent way).

BTW I don’t have a washing machine. The domestic helper convinced me that hand washed (by her) is best for a solo girl like me…

But anyway, the above is pretty much the gist of my problems. And yes, I acknowledge, very often in these months, about how privileged I am.

Here’s how I coped,

identify the problem (cultivate self awareness):

the worst problems, I feel, are the ones we can’t identify. You know those random “feelings of unease” without being able to pinpoint the source. Or you might diagnose the problem wrongly and make it worse with the remedial efforts.

Since, I was, eventually, able to understand and articulate the above problems. Finding the solutions was that much easier. So, do take some time to pinpoint the problem matters with some depth of understanding.

vlogging (keep articulating):

One reason of “loneliness” is when we can’t articulate our thoughts and events in life. Something happens and then going and talking about it with someone else. A large part of this is not what the other person responds, but that we are articulating things. This articulation can still be done with online content – blogs, videos, photos? what ever other creative means that suits you. Keep articulating.

I started doing a few videos for social media. This helped. One was a lockdown personal log. Another was an IGTV series on travel. Hell, when I got a compost unit for my house, I vlogged that too. It really helped!

However, I was cautious to not become flippant with these videos. I only use them as needed. They helped and that’s all. It’s important that we don’t become unconsciously dependent on such things. Use them as a tool and then move on. Unconscious dependence will make us weaker in many ways (dependencies, addiction, FOMO, comments/likes and other random rubbish).

create live systems in the house (be involved in other life):

lockdown and home alone leads to a phenomena where I don’t get a break from myself. With other external activities and people interactions, we get a break from our own processes.

In the early days, the Tulsi plant helped allay some of the isolation. I guess having more plants would have helped. As these are “live systems” as in they aren’t inanimate – they have their own lifecycles taking place.

I couldn’t get plants in the lockdown, but I eventually created other two live systems,

compost unit: the compost is a live system, in the sense it keeps growing and developing on its own. I need to be involved in it, but it’s also not too time consuming. This helps. Watching it develop.

akhand diya: I noticed that lighting a lamp in the house also helped, but I didn’t have the discipline to do it daily. Around yoga day, I set up the akhand diya. This has helped immensely. It’s truly a live system. Something I can take care of and maintain and it has its own lifecycle. It’s presence has been deeply impactful. Might write more on it in another blog post.

Silence (re-energiz):

the fact that I was craving some social contact was weird because I am usually maxed out with socializing… so I decided to go into silence because it was needed.

The reason I was craving social contact was not because I was simply lonely. It was because I was missing specific people. So, trying to fulfill that with other socializing would make it worse. Thus, silence was a best alternative in this situation. (Silence is not always the best alternative when dealing with loneliness, one must subjectively gauge. This is why I said earlier, take time to identify the problem properly).

Silence can be a great way to cultivate self awareness mentioned in earlier point – take the time to reflect on what exactly is bothering you. And then tackle with intelligent solutions.

Silence can also be a great way to build up internal energy & strength. For some time stop expending attention and energy on external stuff. What you want to “do” in silence, you can decide. Meditate / sit with eyes closed / breath focus / chant / observe thoughts etc… etc..

silver linings (cultivate gratitude):

what also helps is seeing the good side of things. There are many. Like, eating home food cooked by myself, being able to utilise the time to learn some stuff like this KDham Ayurveda course, read some books (Aghora 2), explore composting, akhand diya etc…

And as with acknowledging the silver lining, there is the rising feeling of gratitude. For my place in life, externally and internally, that lets me have these silver linings. That there aren’t any huge problems that would darken the day too much.

Counting my blessings

Doing a full overview of the situation, I count my blessings at having this small space in Coimbatore, where I can remain solo, well supplied and with good people around.

It is interesting for me to feel lonely, cause I hardly ever do. On the other hand, the fact is that I might have found it very difficult to be stuck with people in this lockdown.

Moreover, this build up of housework muscles and habits is about time for me… 🤷🏻‍♀️

This phase of life builds capacity for not just housework, but also for maybe an older life when I would be lonelier like this? It allows me to reevaluate my solo life choices.

All in all,

This is shaping into a thoughtful and revealing time for myself.

We have a longer way ahead of us. It’s not clear when things will return to “normal”. Or what the “new normal” will be.

But tools like,

• cultivating the mind,
• yoga,
• indic cultural wisdom and rituals done with some understanding,
• friendship in all our human interactions,
• acknowledging life beyond humans

will go a long way and become our eternal support system.

And of course, the Guru‘s grace. 🙏🏻

There are other ways to find balance and joy alone in these times. What has worked for you? Share please 🙂